I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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