omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
