my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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