Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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