The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
