I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize