New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
