What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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