sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize