What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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