you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
