just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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