I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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