Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We left the knife in your bed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
