Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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