Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
