Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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