Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
