Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
