worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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