My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
