So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
