I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
