Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
