This is not my ceiling
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
