i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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