Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
