So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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