Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize