ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
