can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
