I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
