A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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