She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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