life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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