This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
