paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
