when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
