The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
