So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
