she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
