I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
