i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
