i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
did i just pee glitter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
