Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
