the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
