His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
