i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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