Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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