ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
