Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
