The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
