i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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