It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
