Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
