Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
