They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
