someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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