Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Slut skills are useful in every country.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
