My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
