So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
