Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
