Hey man sorry I got all grabby
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
