Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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