So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
