I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
