John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
