Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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