Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
